i hardly ever use my blog! I thought i’d start writing freely but all i did was push buttons on twitter feed and when i thought about why it was in order to feel more a part of the world. I’m too tired – need to get some sleep. dizzy head & rubber legs. Done some washing, washed my hair. met up with neighbour for chat. Had lunch now exhausted.



when i am no longer close and you miss me then remember you walked past my door so many times before and i stood waiting



these are supposed true(!?)

WATCH: UK waterpark bans bikinis and orders visitors to wear ‘Islamically appropriate’ clothes!Saudi-Arabia-releases-video-on-National-TV-teaching-husbands-how-to-beat-their-wives/c193z/573203490cf2e405158afef5

and this one from India:

and does anyone (apart from super strict peeps) give a damn what country what religion, what colour a person is

and reading facebook can be quite awful

All the while I as a female will get on with my life and wonder.

I’m attempting to meet up with people and; family I’ve not seen for at least five years if not longer. How do friendships slip or, at the very other end slip into easiness of being together and families how do they create the dynamic they have  .

Dynamic of families perhaps

ahh my sweet daughter says to try:  stream/google it 😉







Here I sit at some O’Clock in the morning. I can smell the early morning sea breeze just now that cut below in temperature taht tells you  there’ll shortly be the slicing open of a new day.

“a fair sword indeedy do”


Sleep now and let the aching bones slumber deep in peace till sticky each eye will open to the next day…or afternoon 😉


Boundaries & PTSD

Look all I can say is here below. My wacky take on all this is I NEEDED TO SEE the essay cos now I feel safer, more prepared if and when I chat to one of my family. Unfortunately we’ve not seen and barely spoken in 5 1/2yrs – a longtime out of a life. It’s almost dawning, Sleep I chase.

The concept of “Boundary” is still an alien one to me, but I have learnt a wee mantra to help me with it.

  1. Would I do it/say it?
  2. Does it make me feel safe?
  3. Where do I feel this action/comment in my body?

(That ‘body awareness’ one is very important to anybody with Complex PTSD – we do not cognitively process danger whlst it passes straight into our bodies and our instincts.)

Since discovering the earth-shattering fact that I can establish boundaries and expect others to respect them, my life has changed exponentially.  I’ve flushed out the toxic friendships, I’m quick to exit stage left when I perceive danger and I have a small expectation of being treated well by the world at large. However, sometimes it takes a wee while to remember my mantra and act.  

When you aren’t used to a lifetime of established boundaries

….and instead accepted every wrong dealt to you as being what you deserved; Remember: it’s going to take a while to have your ‘Boundary-setting’ on Automatic.

Unbelievably once “Boundaries”are explained and fully physically integrated into the PTSD persona acentred more ‘in-touch’ sense begins to evolve and strengthen. Added to the growth if friends and or family members are able to acknowledge any ‘situations’ enough to examine any Toxic Behaviours around the meaning and use of ‘Boundaries’ for everyone and it’s OK to challenge any Acid Tongues or Put-Downs recieved. Remember the mantra.

“Triggers” is also a player for another wedge in the pie.


a thought came to mind as I struggled around my kitchen, that if I’d gone down  with this lurgy 40 years ago I could well have been diagnosed as having a ‘nervous breakdown’ or gone  barmy (menopause & Freud).

having a lurgy – now called CFS/ME

I’ve at least some civilised diagnosis!! No real end game but at least finally less stressed about my self.