oh dear dear the pain

Disgraceful pain seers through joints & bones and forces me to stop being an extra iin the latest madmates film. I want a drink! I want to cry! Disgraceful emotions rush through me like a whirring gig,

My leg wobbles and loses traction. I leave the current zombie scene. “So what! it’ll go on without me.!

“…Irianna needs you Heather, you need her.”

There was a general distancing from the people who didn’t turn up by the filmcrew – it’s a tough call to be a part of an odd imagination of a story, even in a community.

I’ve gone through life an addict and my kids felt the despair this serpent brings it wasn’t an apple Eve bought to Adam but a glass of cider. It tends to make more sense then. The whole old testament stories run with booze

seeing and talking again to people who knew me years ago has been exeddingly awkward at times as our frame of intimacy are memories, often quite different, of times when we were younger.

…I told Miki the ‘bear’ story and yet in her life she has no memory of it while for me it’s echoed down the years. Her wild tales of Henry River resonate and of my driving years too young to get a licence! How we got new clothes or went to concerts was a tale and a half of excitement, How her tiny arse had managed to wiggle another pair of jeans over her own ones & my new skirt & jumper were divine as we’d giggled our way out of Debenham’s. The crazy fancy dress parties and motorbike riding. There’s a lot of laughs in amongst them.

My fingers burn & my hands hurt.

….After diving through the fear with breathing and acceptance of the situation. Thoughts of Sitting through days of exagerrated screaming and berating by my daughter- it was hell but not only did I make it, I did it with a carefully emotioned management.

Our relationship worked better from the quietening down ever onwards…i pray


thanks justbod


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