Look all I can say is here below. My wacky take on all this is I NEEDED TO SEE the essay cos now I feel safer, more prepared if and when I chat to one of my family. Unfortunately we’ve not seen and barely spoken in 5 1/2yrs – a longtime out of a life. It’s almost dawning, Sleep I chase.
The concept of “Boundary” is still an alien one to me, but I have learnt a wee mantra to help me with it.
- Would I do it/say it?
- Does it make me feel safe?
- Where do I feel this action/comment in my body?
(That ‘body awareness’ one is very important to anybody with Complex PTSD – we do not cognitively process danger whlst it passes straight into our bodies and our instincts.)
Since discovering the earth-shattering fact that I can establish boundaries and expect others to respect them, my life has changed exponentially. I’ve flushed out the toxic friendships, I’m quick to exit stage left when I perceive danger and I have a small expectation of being treated well by the world at large. However, sometimes it takes a wee while to remember my mantra and act.
When you aren’t used to a lifetime of established boundaries
….and instead accepted every wrong dealt to you as being what you deserved; Remember: it’s going to take a while to have your ‘Boundary-setting’ on Automatic.
Unbelievably once “Boundaries”are explained and fully physically integrated into the PTSD persona acentred more ‘in-touch’ sense begins to evolve and strengthen. Added to the growth if friends and or family members are able to acknowledge any ‘situations’ enough to examine any Toxic Behaviours around the meaning and use of ‘Boundaries’ for everyone and it’s OK to challenge any Acid Tongues or Put-Downs recieved. Remember the mantra.
“Triggers” is also a player for another wedge in the pie.