Look all I can say is here below. My wacky take on all this is I NEEDED TO SEE the essay cos now I feel safer, more prepared if and when I chat to one of my family. Unfortunately we’ve not seen and barely spoken in 5 1/2yrs – a longtime out of a life. It’s almost dawning, Sleep I chase.
The concept of “Boundary” is still an alien one to me, but I have learnt a wee mantra to help me with it.
- Would I do it/say it?
- Does it make me feel safe?
- Where do I feel this action/comment in my body?
(That ‘body awareness’ one is very important to anybody with Complex PTSD – we do not cognitively process danger whlst it passes straight into our bodies and our instincts.)
Since discovering the earth-shattering fact that I can establish boundaries and expect others to respect them, my life has changed exponentially. I’ve flushed out the toxic friendships, I’m quick to exit stage left when I perceive danger and I have a small expectation of being treated well by the world at large. However, sometimes it takes a wee while to remember my mantra and act.
When you aren’t used to a lifetime of established boundaries
….and instead accepted every wrong dealt to you as being what you deserved; Remember: it’s going to take a while to have your ‘Boundary-setting’ on Automatic.
Unbelievably once “Boundaries”are explained and fully physically integrated into the PTSD persona acentred more ‘in-touch’ sense begins to evolve and strengthen. Added to the growth if friends and or family members are able to acknowledge any ‘situations’ enough to examine any Toxic Behaviours around the meaning and use of ‘Boundaries’ for everyone and it’s OK to challenge any Acid Tongues or Put-Downs recieved. Remember the mantra.
“Triggers” is also a player for another wedge in the pie.
the cat i’d like. Can’t too expensive especially with this tiredness getting worse.
A freezing bbrrr day. and being out in it there was no way of escaping it. Almost the same as 42c heat. Citizen’s advice, tooth, doct. script, lawyer & bits done. A killer of a day & one I’d prefer NOT to do very often. started on invites & eaten a bit.
P’s practising ‘smoke on the water’. I’ve got to lay my head
was hot as and the heat stuck me to the seat, the dusty air was blown away by the sacred freo doctor.
mother slowed up about three times before really stopping the car. slighty up on a kerb I leant across the dash to kiss her soft cheek, the casino walk across grasses that were over aridly
met Paul Weller stood centre stage in amonst a young adoring crowd of possibly University guys My seat was a close enough to overhear segments, distinctly a well groomed super star was getting down with the people and I felt a small thrill of excitement – man who writes and plays so magnificently laughing about how fluid and very organic his concerts are. He is amazeballs!! WTF! It was too in the end I simply had to leave my spot before he disappeared! Step from the sliding door – gone.
Making certain my travelling bags were ok I puuled out my phone and went up to the very man, my legs are wobbly on a regular basis so I was afraid I might make a scene but thankfully I was purposely going enough to step across to the very person, the man. I simply asked, “are you Paul”? and when he smiled directly into my eyes as his head turned towards me. Being fired up and thinking of my old man back at home on the boat, I then inquired as casually as my voice could, “Paul Weller?” “Yes indeed I am.” Tentatively I held up my Phone up I then asked if I could take a photo. He smiled so pleasantly with his companions and said “of course.”
Such simple moments trapped in a photo. A moment spoken of and enchanting the many English music lovers are told and shown….in a green and different land far away.
As a traveller I read about the Homeless running scheme. what a great idea.
Homeless fitness drive
Freo is such an amazing, vibrant town with much happening across the areas
alternative facts, double think, sinister realities are now becoming normal.
misinformation flowing overflowing rivers of pure lies
Trump trump trumpton trumptown terror begins
People around the globe are checking in on Facebook at the site of Dakota Access Pipeline protests in North Dakota, in an effort they hope will help protesters avoid detection by police. The Facebook activists are following the instructions of a viral post encouraging people to check in at the site to confuse the Morton…
via How Activists Are Using Facebook Check-In to Help Dakota Access Pipeline Protesters — TIME
Disgraceful pain seers through joints & bones and forces me to stop being an extra iin the latest madmates film. I want a drink! I want to cry! Disgraceful emotions rush through me like a whirring gig,
My leg wobbles and loses traction. I leave the current zombie scene. “So what! it’ll go on without me.!
“…Irianna needs you Heather, you need her.”
There was a general distancing from the people who didn’t turn up by the filmcrew – it’s a tough call to be a part of an odd imagination of a story, even in a community.
I’ve gone through life an addict and my kids felt the despair this serpent brings it wasn’t an apple Eve bought to Adam but a glass of cider. It tends to make more sense then. The whole old testament stories run with booze
seeing and talking again to people who knew me years ago has been exeddingly awkward at times as our frame of intimacy are memories, often quite different, of times when we were younger.
…I told Miki the ‘bear’ story and yet in her life she has no memory of it while for me it’s echoed down the years. Her wild tales of Henry River resonate and of my driving years too young to get a licence! How we got new clothes or went to concerts was a tale and a half of excitement, How her tiny arse had managed to wiggle another pair of jeans over her own ones & my new skirt & jumper were divine as we’d giggled our way out of Debenham’s. The crazy fancy dress parties and motorbike riding. There’s a lot of laughs in amongst them.
My fingers burn & my hands hurt.
….After diving through the fear with breathing and acceptance of the situation. Thoughts of Sitting through days of exagerrated screaming and berating by my daughter- it was hell but not only did I make it, I did it with a carefully emotioned management.
Our relationship worked better from the quietening down ever onwards…i pray
this is a note I got yesterday from a dear friend of mine>
‘Apologies……Haven’t even listened to my phone messages.’
Last night I’d been doing uni work till after midnight. Because of stress on my heart I’ve been fitted with a 24 hour blood pressure monitor that kept going off every half hour even through the night so I got no sleep.
I’ve Gone right back to where I was when had the initial breakdown.
I’ve Started typing up notes at 7.30am till 10am. Then I was Off to uni for 5 consecutive hours of lectures. Drive home through peakhour traffic. In between household chores there’s the college Emails, admin, typing till 10pm.and I have Just eaten!…. Now I’ve been told by uni I’ve Got to re-apply for the job that is knocking me out and I don’t have time to do the bloody application. Only consolation is I will have money coming in but too shattered to even sleep.
Constantly being pushed to cover more lectures …. Whoever decided to get rid of the admin manager and timetables and to make 14 note takers redundant and now only 3 of usleft. .. well whoever it was should be sacked for gross incompetence….’
sounds so true of what the stress and rush the expectation the horror of work these days.
I had a gut sicknessthat burnt as I was reading it, whilst recalling how despereate are my recollections of the awful years of it, too long in stress and accepting it as a norm, the way life had to be.
i hardly ever use my blog! I thought i’d start writing freely but all i did was push buttons on twitter feed and when i thought about why it was in order to feel more a part of the world. I’m too tired – need to get some sleep. dizzy head & rubber legs. Done some washing, washed my hair. met up with neighbour for chat. Had lunch now exhausted.
when i am no longer close and you miss me then remember you walked past my door so many times before and i stood waiting